When Does Flirting Become Cheating?

Flirting can be harmless or dangerous - depending on the issues of the two people involved and how far they take it. Keep it simple and have no expectations. Most people who flirt will end the so-called relationship/connection at some point.


Everyone is a therapist these days ... allowing us to understand what defines us and those we interact with.

When Does Flirting Become Cheating? When it gets out of control (OCD) and leads people to conclusions and activities that should never have happened.

Emotionally intimacy is as powerful as physical intimacy as people seek to meet their needs in a basically dysfunctional world.

Most people love to be flirted with by someone who is 'hot'. Sex rules ... but real life is more powerful.

Generally speaking, flirting is just that .. flirting, with no long term agenda, but people with issues can read more into it and wind up crushed.

People flirt for different reasons. It is good for the ego to have someone flirting back, as long as it is not taken too far.

Know your motivations if flirting - emotional, physical, filling in the time.

You can love your partner at home and still engage in a flirtation for the fun of it, but watch messages sent if you cannot follow through.


There are people whose souls pass in the night - flirting just once - yet a means to show them that the heart can be opened, and often what is missing in their relationship at home.

Most flirting is done in the work place by bored co-workers who have partners at home. If it means "look but don't touch" then it can be fun. If it steps oversteps boundaries, especially for a married person, it can end in disaster as many can tell you, or you may have personally experienced.

Flirting is often part of social networking - and very popular today.


Reality is scripted as one plays out their roles and seeks greater purpose - sometimes finding it through something as simple as flirting with another soul whose grid matrices align.

Flirting tunes up one's psychic awareness as they try to determine the subconsciousness motivations behind it and what synchronicities brought the other person into their lives at a specific time. Don't over-analyze. Synchronicities can be positive or negative learning lessons.

Flirting occurs by two people who often feel a soul connection and want to pursue what it means in reference to past lives. Don't be deceived by feelings from other experiences your soul, and that of the other person, is having. React in the Now.

As we come to understand human challenges, and our place in evolving reality, we realize that the concept of The One, is a metaphor - each of our souls connected above and below at the end of time to feel complete. If a long term relationship is challenged, then flirting could be fun in the interim.

Having a reading with a psychic, to make sense of it all, could help, but it is all about one's emotional needs that must be addressed. When flirting disappoints ... a psychic can't fix.

When Does Flirting Become Cheating? 9 Red Flags   Live Science - July 13, 2011

If you are getting some emotional needs met by this other person, you may be cheating. Playful bantering or gentle flirting with someone outside of your marriage is harmless if proper boundaries remain intact, according to psychologist Michael Brickey, author of "Defying Aging," and many other relationship experts. Those boundaries differ with each relationship, of course. What would be considered a violation in one marriage might be perfectly acceptable for another couple. Difference of opinions even occur within a marriage.

For example, I know a woman who recently asked her husband to either give her his Facebook password or close out his account after she found an email that he had sent to a former classmate that she found to be rather suggestive. He disagreed and thought it was perfectly appropriate.

Social media sites and online interaction are pushing this issue to dinner tables across the country — much more so than in the past. Katherine Hertlein, a licensed marriage and family therapist interviewed by Discovery News, explains, "You don't actually recognize that you're growing closer to someone on the Internet because it just looks like you're having a conversation, and that's why I think it could be really seductive in some ways."

Hertlein believes that cyber cheating is especially appealing to women because they can get their emotional needs met behind a computer in the comfort of their home. However, many polls indicate that seemingly harmless online friendships often develop into intense emotional and physical affairs that can devastate marriages. Recent research has indicated that online cheating usually leads to physical encounters.

So, when does flirting cross that invincible line from innocent bantering to dangerous dialogue? After researching the topic and talking to a few family therapists, I pulled together the following 9 red flags.

1. When it's secretive.

If you are deleting your emails — either to her or from her — that's a red flag. Because by deleting them, you are guessing that your spouse would be upset if she read them, and that you are covering up something. Moreover, ask yourself this question: "How would I feel if I knew my wife (or husband) was corresponding to an attractive man in the way I talk to X?" If you feel an uncomfortable knot in your stomach upon answering that question, there you go.

2. If it has a sexual agenda.

This isn't always obvious, of course. But if you notice that your correspondence with this person feeds your sexual fantasies (because an affair is often about sexual fantasy), then you are probably in dangerous waters. If the communications consist of subtle sexual overtones, watch out. If it feels like foreplay in anyway, that’s not good.

3. If you're spending a considerable amount of time talking to him (her).

According to marriage therapist Allyson P., a person needs to consider not only the content of the messages sent back and forth but also the amount of them. For example, if you are emailing a "friend" 15 times a day, that's a tad extreme, even if the content is about SpongeBob Squarepants. A friend of mine confessed to me that she would spend two hours every night on Facebook chatting with an online buddy until she realized that was more time than she was spending with her husband.

4. If you are rationalizing.

"He is just a friend," is a statement that you don't say to yourself when you're involved in innocent communication. Do you feel the need to justify a very safe friendship? No. It's obvious to you and to your mate that the companionship is completely appropriate. However, you may very well be investing in an unsafe friendship if you are constantly wrestling with guilt or feel the need to rationalize.

5. If it's meeting your personal needs.

If you are getting your intimacy needs met in an online relationship or with a co-worker with whom you playfully banter, you might stop to ask yourself why. Be especially careful if you’re sharing intimate sentiments with that person that you don’t share with your husband, or if you feel like your online companion understands you in a way that your spouse doesn't. Be on guard if you are getting fed in any way by him or her that you don't at home. Better to address the holes in your life and fill them in safe ways, even if you can’t within your marriage. Keep in mind, a good sex life isn’t just about chemistry.

6. If you talk about your marriage or your spouse.

It's disrespectful to share intimate details about your marriage or your spouse, and especially in a discourteous manner or with a flip attitude. Imagine that your wife was overhearing your entire conversation. Would you still say it?

7. If your spouse doesn't like it.

You have just won a red flag if a husband or wife has expressed disapproval of your communications with X, because it usually means that either the content of the correspondence or the amount of it is off balance—that the interaction isn't totally appropriate, or the time spent talking (online or offline) with the person is distracting from family life.

8. If your friend voices concern. Pay attention if a good friend asks you why you are talking about this person so much, or if she says something like, "Wake up. You are married. He is married. You need to focus on what you have and stop obsessing about what you don't." Friends, sisters, and mothers can often identify the red flags before a person is willing to recognize them herself.

9. If your intentions are wrong.

Let's say your wife is constantly knocking you down, nagging at you, telling you to lose 20 pounds because she didn't intend to marry a beached whale. The natural, or at least easy, thing to do is to find an attractive woman who will feed your ego and tell you that you’re sexy, funny, smart, and so on. Some folks may unconsciously seek out an admirer to get their spouse to take notice of them. It can be effective! But it's also manipulative. There are healthier ways to increase your self-esteem and regain the power that you have lost in your own home.