Bullies link to fear factor and abuse.
Bullies link to fear factor and abuse.
Have you ever been a bully? Has anyone bullied you making you feel like a victim? It all goes to fear factor. It is a power trip, not unlike the power felt by a rapist, which is not always about sex, but control and submission.
We spend our lives searching for power - at any age - the power to control our lives and our destinies. It is part of the soul seeking balance.
We are lead to believe that every soul ultimately wants to be happy. This is not true. Some people have no conception of what would make them happy at a soul level.
Some thrive on power, control and drama. Peace and balance is boring, though at the soul level, at any level, it is the end goal. When power is used to harm others, a bully being one aspect of the dysfunctional use of power, things will always get out of control.
Being a bully most often begins in childhood, particularly in early teen years, triggered by puberty. Bullies almost always have emotional problems and generally are abused at home. It's what they know. It's what's familiar.
In today's world, we know that one's behavior, if traced back to family patterns, especially of abuse, looking at their DNA codes, it would not be hard to find out how the bully got that way.
Those who get help will rise above it, while others will suffer their entire lives, stuck in that pattern. Bullies are in pain and self destructive.
The child who is being bullied could grow up to the play the victim role if this is not addressed and overcome.
In the movies, and on TV, we learn that the bully must be 'put in his place' by one who is stronger.
Sometimes the situation can be dealt with through families, the school, or other social systems.
Parents of bullies often are dysfunctional and see no problem with their child's behavior, often violent. We like to feel that the parents of the bully 'get it', but more often than not, they are wrapped up in their own dysfunctional issues, and don't help the child, often blaming it on others. The apple ... does not fall far from the tree.
Without professional help, the patterns remain, unchecked, emerging in late teens years when mental illness surfaces full blown which leads to rage disorder, then to violence later in life when the bully tries to function and doesn't know how.
It is ... after all ... a soul crying out for help and no one listening, helping and healing.
It goes to childhood and says, "Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me!"
Reality has always been the same, and generally about abuse, discovery and recovery to gain balance and understand that reality is a virtual experience in emotion. You don't see it until you're healed.
When you've healed and you're done with the karma of that part of your journey, you look back and say, "Look how much energy I put into hurting myself and others that could have been better spent in more positive ways."
And you move on ....
If your child is being bullied in school, on the playground, wherever, do something about it, even if you're not confrontational. Make a statement to your child about how to deal with the situation, for life is filled with bullies.
I know that some parents avoid it all by home schooling their children, but that is a whole other blog dealing with the developmental issues of children.
Email from Darlene
I enjoyed the information on bullies! I was one of those kids who was always a little different than everyone else, so a lot of kids tried to bully me. I usually set them in their place in short order without lifting a finger - and by the way, girls as well as boys do this, only with a different style!
Yes, all of those kids had serious problems and even at a young age I knew that they must have felt pretty bad about themselves, and had lives so miserable that they literally wanted to share the misery.
Years ago the worst, most violent bullies were often kicked out of school by their freshman year of high school. These days with "No child left behind" these kids are tolerated until they either drop out or graduate, meaning they spend more years taunting a nameless rabble of victims on school grounds, while also receiving counseling, special education, and therapy.
Adding to this misery at school is more on-campus violence and shootings, as well as victims turning into bullies themselves (How many shootings have we heard of in the last few years where the person doing the shooting was also the kid picked on by others?) And so it goes...
To comment on girls as bullies ... they are far more mean and vicious than some boys can ever be. Most of these girls have been violated at home.
From Cara,
Hey, bully, what's the matter with you?
Hey, bully, why do you act the way you do?
Could it be that you were bullied too?
And that this was the only life you knew?
Do you seek to harm weaker others
Because you had an abusive father or mother?
Are you a tortured and empty soul?
Who now seeks power and control?
Growing up in a dysfunctional home
You never had a voice of your own.
You were never shown how to be gentle or kind.
Love and support you never could find.
So you carried pent up feelings as you walked out the door.
Your hatred then exploded and cut your victims to the core.
But it was yourself you despised the most.
In you, hatred had found a suitable host.
May you recognize why you feel the way you feel.
And get the help you need to begin to heal.
Yes, a new life can be found.
You can change and turn it around.
Bullying -- Click over to read the full article.
In colloquial speech, bullying often describes a form of harassment perpetrated by an abuser who possesses more physical and/or social power and dominance than the victim. The victim of bullying is sometimes referred to as a target. The harassment can be verbal, physical and/or emotional. Sometimes bullies will pick on people bigger or smaller than their size. Bullies hurt people verbally and physically. There are many reasons for that. One of them is because the bullies themselves have been the victim of bullying (e.g. a bullying child who is abused at home, or bullying adults who are abused by their colleagues).
Many programs have been started to prevent bullying at schools with promotional speakers. Bullying consists of two types - verbal and physical.
Norwegian researcher Dan Olweus defines bullying as when a person is "exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons." He defines negative action as "when a person intentionally inflicts injury or discomfort upon another person, through physical contact, through words or in other ways."
Bullying can occur in any setting where human beings interact with each other. This includes school, church, the workplace, home and neighborhoods. It is even a common push factor in migration. Bullying can exist between social groups, social classes and even between countries.
