When Adult Children Won't Leave Home

Wednesday May 23, 2018

Children continue to live with their parents for different reasons after they become adults. Often they are parental caretakers who have no need for marriage and children of their own. Their goal is to take care of their parents, and not much else in terms of creating their own experiences. It is a limited existence which caretakers grow to resent through the years. Once the parents are gone many are lost, depressed, and uncertain about what to do with their lives especially if they are age 50 and older.

Often the reason children stay on is financial either on the part of the parents who can no longer support themselves or the child in the same situation. Many young adults are paying off student loans so continue to live at home until the debt is paid. That works well unless the children take advantage of the situation by not contributing to the home, or overspending when they should be paying down the debt be it student loan or credit cards.

Sometimes it's cultural where families live together after the children grow up and become independent.

Often adult children are emotionally and learning challenged and cannot support or take care of themselves. Sometimes the parents will pay for the child to move and even support the new home. I had one desperate female client who sold her house when her son turned 30 and refused to leave. After the house was sold he had no choice but to move out on his own. My client took a small part of the profits from the house, bought him a small studio apartment, got him on medication as children who won't leave usually have emotional problems, made sure he got on disability, then moved to Florida where she was living happily ever after the last time we spoke.

Here in New York City we find homes with furnished basements, or two family homes, where children stay on free of charge. Again it's when they take advantage of the situation that parents become hostile. I've read many people, especially women who want the children to move on but they just won't leave. Sometimes legal action has to be taken especially when the adult child has negative patterns such as substance abuse and violent behavior often resulting in short-term jail time that repeats over and over.

Having a challenged child puts a financial burden on all concerned. I've had many clients who want children out and are afraid to take action especially women, suffering with depression until the end. Had the child not been afraid to move out on their own, it would have been been a better ending for both.

Judge sides with parents, rules their 30-year-old son must move out   CNN - May 23, 2018
A 30-year-old man didn't get the message that it was time to move out of his parents' home, even after they left him five notices and an offer of cash to help find new digs. The New York family drama eventually rolled into the court system, where a judge on Tuesday ruled in the parents' favor and ordered Michael Rotondo to leave after having a room for eight years. But Rotondo contends he is owed a six-month notice. He had been given noticed for months. Time to go.