Coming Out


As a straight woman, I learned about the gay world through close friends, clients, and others I met along the way especially in my metaphysical journey.

People come out when they feel comfortable and safe in doing so or if something or someone forces the issue.

Depending on where you live, and people's acceptance of homosexuality, bisexuality, and a growing list of other options - one can make a choice as to whether or not they want the world to know they are not straight.

The use of pronouns has become part of many cultures allowing one to express how they identify.

Younger adults seem far more willing to try a bisexual lifestyle or come out as gay depending than in the past.

Sometimes being gay is obvious to others based on mannerisms that cannot be hidden but other times one's secret is safe unless they chose to share it.

It is never easy for most people to come out especially to the family, who in most cases already know. It goes to fear of rejection and not understanding i's part of one's genetic code.

Sex can be very complicated. It dominates our thoughts - how we play out our emotional games of love and passion - links us with the soulmate connection - often rules our physical needs - and always catches our attention - jokes - the internet - media - etc. If you want to get the attention of those around you - topics of sex are the way to go. It is genetic. It is who we are. It motivates many of our choices - and often guides our decisions and destinies. You say the word Sex and people pay attention.

We spend our lives coming out about our issues - facing them and moving beyond limited thinking.

Humanity is in the closet on so many issues - as we hide - waiting to awakening from that which is unknown and therefore feared.

I often read clients who are gay but find it impossible to tell those around them the truth.

Being homosexual is found in all races, religions, and cultures. As long as we have been part of the human experiment - being gay has been part of the equation.

Friends and clients have told me that they came out at various ages - from teens to 50's - though some remained celibate rather than acknowledge and deal with inner stirrings.

Sex is very much about the 'head' space. People can condition themselves to ignore desire and attraction when it comes to sexual matters.

If you have never had a lover - and are an adult - it could be time to address issues about sexuality.

If you are gay - it may be your time to 'come out'.

If people of the same sex are attracted to you - you may need to address something in you that you have been avoiding - especially if you ignore sex completely.

It is all about the kiss - the intimacy. You will know if you are gay if you think, "Who would I prefer to kiss, a man or a woman?"

Many gay clients report that they tried heterosexual relationships initially - as that is what was expected by family and peers - but it felt unnatural - uncomfortable - and they had performance anxiety.

It is hard to come out if one comes from a religious home - where it was assumed you would marry in your 20's and have a family. This always results in a disaster - and a divorce or separation. Those involved often see the patterns and realize the situation 'after the fact' and the children are born. The children of gay relationships often grow up loved and without issues - but not always. Being gay is genetic and so their children may be gay as well as the drama continues.

I read a man who was one of eight children - four of whom were gay. As in most families - they came out early - then moved away to live their lives privately without family interference and criticism - getting together with family on holidays and special occasions.

Life is so much easier if the family is accepting. Yet parents of gay children - often have to address their own sexual perferences - and what they may have been hiding for years - such as gay affaires outside the home or gay desires. I can't tell you how many gay people have told me about knowing one of their parents was gay yet remained in the closet all of their lives.

Few clients reported that they came out in High School - at least not to their peers. In teen years the stigma of gay was not something they wanted to deal with - so they waited until they moved on their own then came out and explored the gay world.

Those who come out later in life - report that they have always felt somewhat drawn to those of the same sex - but it was not until a specific partner came along - that they were willing to try a gay experience. Others waited until they completed the karma of a heterosexual relationship - then finally came out and were never happier.

I have read people who are heterosexual - but have had one homosexual experience - based on soul attraction and connection. These one- time relationships are very powerful - but rarely not life-time commitments. Usually one partner is gay and one is straight - as each goes back to their natural orientation.

In large cities alternative lifestyles are common and generally accepted. In small towns - with rigid values - homosexual experiences are generally not as acceptable behavior.

I have recently read several gay people - some of who are looking for full time relationships which include having a child by either adoption - artificial insemination - or surrogacy.

The way I see - people are people - gay or straight. If the people are well adjusted - the relationship will work and obstacles overcome. If the people have issues - especially heavy issues and are emotionally dysfunctional - all souls will suffer. It is just the nature of the game - gay or straight. All relationships have challenges and require dedication on many levels if the souls are to grow together and continue to function. People seem to 'get it' - that a relationship can end - and life can go on. Don't have a child if you have too many issues. You will only compound your problems and create another dysfunctional soul.

Coming out is about readiness - a time of awakening and accepting one's destiny in a balanced way.

We come out in many ways as our souls journey through this experience. Coming out is about being free. It is about love and acceptance.

Find what makes you happy on all levels - and take your best shot. You may discover that want to make a switch - or are a switch-hitter!